Man Issues: The Female Repeller

So at the tail end of no-shave November there comes a big decision for every dude. What do I cut my beard into? Well, for me the answer was easy. Pedo-stache.

The Female Repeller

Now this horrific thing is the most hilarious facial hair I've ever had. I love it. The only problem is I keep getting pulled over in my unmarked white van for being the "Stache Strangler" whoever that is. Anyway, I'll also use this post to purpose to the bros out there a holiday to follow no-shave November. And that is "Pedophile Week."

Pedophile week takes place the last week of no-shave November and the premise is simple. Instead of just shaving your chapped, air-starved face, you must shave some kind of weird pedophile design into your beard/stache. So for the last week of November every dude just rocks the wildest beard/stache combo they can think of. I think it's a great idea. In ten years when it becomes a staple of no-shave November you can thank me for getting you into the trend before it was cool. That makes you cooler than cool.

Oh and guys with girlfriends, they love this shit. Because what woman would even talk to a dude with that ratty little mustache that says "my extracurriculars include following Ice Cream trucks in my van." It's great for me and my relationship and hilarious to boot. I call that a win-win-win.